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http://www.rockyou.com/my_gallery.php?instanceid=69336922 MY LIGHT WENT OUT MAY 4th,2007..Pam Bonilla (Wife) I WISH YOU WERE HERE I WISH YOU WERE HERE. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO? THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS I JUST WANT TO KNOW. LIKE, ARE YOU OKAY? IS HEAVEN REALLY IN THE SKY? DO YOU LOOK DOWM ON ME? DOES IT HURT WHEN YOU DIE? WILL YOU BE MY GUARDIAN ANGEL? YOU CAN TEACH ME HOW TO FLY.. I CANT WAIT TO TOUCH YOU AGAIN. THE STRUGGLE TO UNDERSTAND SUICIDE By Father Ron Rolheiser, OMI July 17, 2005 Every year I write a column on suicide because, among all forms of death, it's still the one we struggle with the most. How can suicide happen? What makes a person take his or her own life? Suicide, no doubt, is the most misunderstood of all deaths and leaves behind a residue of questions, guilt, anger, second-guessing, and anxiety which, at least initially, is almost impossible to digest. Even though we know better, we're still haunted by the feeling that suicide is the ultimate act of despair, a deed that somehow puts one outside the family of humanity, the mercy of God, and (in the past) the church's burial grounds. When someone close to us commits suicide we feel both pain and shame. That's why suicides are often not reported publicly. An obituary is more likely to say that this person "died suddenly", without specifying the cause of death. This reticence to admit how our loved one died speaks deeply about both the pain and shame that we are left with after the suicide of a loved one. To lose a loved one to death is painful, to lose a loved one to suicide is also disorienting. What needs to be said about suicide? A number of things need to be re-iterated over and over again: First, that suicide, at least in most cases, is a sickness, a disease, a terminal illness that takes a person out of life, as does any terminal illness, against his or her will. In essence, suicide is death through emotional cancer, emotional heart attack, emotional stroke. That's why it's apt to say that someone is "a victim of suicide". Suicide is a desperate, if misguided, attempt to end unendurable pain at any cost, akin to throwing oneself through a window and falling to one's death because one's clothing is on fire. Suicide is an illness, not a sin. Next, those left behind when a loved one commits suicide should not unduly second-guess themselves, anxiously examining over and over again what they might have done differently, why they weren't more present, or how they somehow failed the one who committed suicide. Part of the anatomy of the disease is precisely the pathology of distancing oneself from one's loved ones so that they cannot be present to the illness. When a loved one commits suicide we can't help but ask ourselves: "If only I had been there! Why was I absent just on that morning?" But we weren't there precisely because the person committing suicide did not what us to be there and picked the moment, the venue, and the means precisely with that in mind. Besides, we're human beings, not God. People die from accidents and illnesses every day and all the love and attentiveness in the world sometimes cannot not prevent someone we love from dying. Suicide is a sickness and, like cancer, sometimes cannot be cured by any amount of love and care. Knowing this isn't an excuse to rationalize our failures, but it can give us some consolation in knowing that it wasn't our neglect or inattentiveness on a given day that led someone we love to suicide. Finally, we should not have undue worry and anxiety over the eternal fate of our loved ones who commit suicide. Why not? First, in most cases, as we know, suicide victims have cancerous problems precisely because they are over-sensitive, wounded, too- bruised to be touched, and too raw to have the normal resiliency needed to deal with life. Their problem is not one of pride and strength, but rather of shame and weakness. What drives them to do this act is not the arrogance of a Hitler, but the weakness of an illness. That's why we can make a distinction between "falling victim to suicide" and "killing oneself". The former is done out of illness, the latter is done out of pride. On the surface they might look the same, but there's an infinite moral distance between being too bruised to continue to touch life and being too arrogant to continue to take one's place within it. And God, more than anyone else, understands this. God's understanding and compassion are much deeper than ours and God's hands are infinitely gentler than our own. If we, in our imperfect love and limited understanding, have some grasp of this, shouldn't we be trusting that God, who is perfect love and understanding, is up to the task and that our loved ones are safe in God's hands and God's understanding? Any faith that connects itself to a God worth believing in doesn't have undue anxiety as to what will happen when God, finally, face to face, meets a bruised, gentle, over-sensitive, wounded, ill, struggling soul. Indeed, we have many scriptural references as to what happens, namely, God, who can descend into any hell we can create, goes straight through our locked doors, enters into the hell of our paranoia, illness, and fear, and gently breathes out peace. BABY WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE I PRAY THAT I CAN BE WITH YOU, NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE. I WOULD TRAVEL ANY DISTANCE, IT COULD NEVER BE TOO FAR *BEGIN AGAIN* Once in awhile something happens that turns you around completely and brings you face to face with grief again. In spite of how much you've grown you find yourself back to square one. You wonder if you have the strength to go through it again. Your only choice is to live with it or die. You begin again.* * Author Unknown By Tina Dore Written 12/12/05 We are the survivors that is all we know We must stand together and not alone We must carry on our loved ones name We must not sit back and take the blame We can not blame ourselves for the choice they made Although we wish they would have stayed Life is full of pain and suffering by far We can only imagine their anguish who they thought they are They couldn't see the love and a better way They felt they needed to end their life this way They needed to take control of their painful life They needed to feel peace wanted to get rid of all the strife So now we are here left to grieve Left to feel only what we believe So many questions that will remain unanswered to us The only thing we can do with others is discuss Discuss the sadness, the pain and the fears We cling to each other and dry each others tears So we are now the survivors a new groups of friends We are the survivors we didn't ask to set these trends We are the survivors and must learn to carry on We are the survivors we each need to depend on Our lives have been forever changed Our time with our loved one has been shortchanged So take this message and know in your heart That your loved one is angel and has made a new peaceful start Forever love them and speak of them with tears of joy Save on to your precious memories it's those you must enjoy And with these words that I write Know there is a survivor thinking of you tonight! |
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Tributes and Condolences
| Bring the memories home by publishing your online memorial as a genuine hardcover keepsake |
| This memorial website was created by Pamela Bonilla on 05/17/2007.
click here to contact Pamela |
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| The hosting of this website is sponsored by Pamela Bonilla | ||||||||
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